26 March 2026
Paul Fearnley spent 23 years in the British Armed Forces.
He served in Northern Ireland, Bosnia, Iraq, Kosovo, Sierra Leone and Afghanistan. He saw things that would stay with anyone for a lifetime.
When he left the military in 2013, and later left private security work in 2017, the structure that had held him together for decades was gone.
Over the years that followed, what had started as heavy drinking gradually became something he could no longer manage alone.
"I started to see a problem," Paul says. “But I thought I had it under control. I never really did."
By 2020, Paul was in serious difficulty. He’d been hospitalised several times and his physical health had deteriorated badly. He sought support and was able to access a veterans' rehabilitation centre in Liverpool, where he completed a detox and a three-month programme. He stayed sober for around 18 months.
Then, in May 2021, Paul and his family experienced a devastating loss. His daughter Kayleigh died from Covid-19.
For a time, the family pulled through together. But by the end of 2022, as life around him began to settle back into a routine, Paul found himself struggling again. It would be another two years before he asked for help.
Finding WithYou
In December 2024, Paul told his wife, Janice, he needed support.
"Bless her," he says. "She did all the running around. She found all the sources, all the people I needed to connect with."
That search led the family to WithYou in Dundee in January 2025. Paul arrived in a difficult state, but the team took on that challenge with him.
"They took that challenge on for me. I'm so blessed that they did."
From that first meeting, Paul entered a structured pathway, a period of preparation and support before moving on to residential rehabilitation. That prehab stage, he says, made all the difference.
I would recommend a pathway to anybody. I wasn't ready just to dive into a detox and a rehab. I needed a pathway. And WithYou provided that.
In March 2025, Paul went to Abbeycare near Glasgow for a three-month residential rehabilitation programme. Throughout his time there, his recovery worker, Lee, at WithYou stayed in close contact.
"He never left me alone,” recalls Paul. “I liked that. I’d never had that before."
A different kind of support
What struck Paul about WithYou was the consistency of that relationship. One recovery worker, alongside him at every stage.
After completing residential rehab, Paul was offered a further year of weekly one-to-one support. That, too, surprised him.
"That shocked me even more,” he says, smiling.
During that period, Paul also completed 16 sessions of psychological counselling through WithYou, support he felt was essential, not just optional.
"My alcohol challenges were brought about by trauma. A vast amount of trauma through the years. And losing Kayleigh brought all that back."
He reflects on his earlier experience of seeking help, the military culture of not coming forward, and the sense that acknowledging difficulty meant your career was over.
"Nobody would come forward or suggest anything. Nobody realised we had anything wrong with us,” Paul says.
“We'd come home from a tour and that was it. We had six weeks' leave, and then we were back at it again. Whereas now, the after-tour support is much, much better."
It took him until his 50s to have the words and the space to work through what he'd carried for decades. SMART Recovery — Self-Management and Recovery Training — gave him tools that worked where other approaches hadn't.
"When I was introduced to SMART, it was perfect,” he adds. “It’s a scientifically-based tool that just worked for me."
Giving something back
Paul has been sober since 26 March 2025.
In September 2025, he applied to volunteer with WithYou. That process, which included PVG checks, attending meetings, being monitored and assessed, took nearly six months.
I'm quite glad it took so long. It helped me prepare. When you're in early recovery, you want everything now. But you've got to slow down, be careful, adjust.
Since February, Paul has been volunteering with the Dundee team. He’s been out on visits alongside recovery worker Ricky, facilitating SMART Recovery groups, and working towards his goal of becoming a recovery worker himself.
He also volunteers with Access to Industry, running SMART facilitation sessions and a veterans-specific programme that brings a deeper focus on mental health and trauma.
"If there's another veteran running a SMART meeting, with the same sort of lived experience behind them, people will feel more comfortable."
For Paul, that connection is everything.
"I was two bottles of vodka deep, day in, day out, and now here I am. If I can get sober, anybody can. Too many people are afraid to ask for help. And that's a shame, because we’re here for them.”
If you or someone you know needs support with alcohol or drugs, WithYou in Dundee is here to help — free, confidential and non-judgemental. You can find out more and self-refer at www.wearewithyou.org.uk/local-hubs/dundee.
