You are not alone: Understanding and coping with self-harm

Self-harm means hurting your body on purpose as a way of coping with overwhelming emotions, distress, or experiences. That might look like cutting, hitting, burning, scratching, or something else.

It’s not attention-seeking. It’s a sign of pain.

People who self-harm are often trying to manage difficult feelings, trauma, or memories. It may be a way to feel something when feeling numb, or to release inner pressure.

If you self-harm, know this:

• You are not “broken.” You're doing your best with the tools you have right now.

• You deserve support. No matter what you're going through or what you've done.

• You are not alone. Many people have been where you are and have found ways to heal.

• You are not a diagnosis or a label. You are a whole person with unique strengths and experiences.

These aren’t magic fixes, but they can help take the edge off in the moment. Different things work for different people, so try a few and see what fits.

• Grounding techniques: Focus on your breathing, or name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste

• Movement: Stretch, go for a walk, dance, or hit a pillow

• Creative expression: Draw, journal, make music, or paint how you feel

• Sensation alternatives: Eat a sour sweet, use a cold compress, draw on skin with a pen or wear fiddle jewellery 

• Connection: Call or text a trusted friend or support service
  
  

Building a path towards healing

Healing from self-harm takes time, and that’s okay. You don’t need to stop overnight. Steps toward healing can include:

• Look to access a support service that works for you

• Joining a peer support group or online community, such as on https://www.kooth.com/

• Explore your wellbeing

• Understanding your emotions and look after your mind and body
  
  

If you’re supporting someone who self-harms

• Stay calm and nonjudgmental

• Avoid ultimatums or guilt

• Listen with compassion and without needing to “fix” it

• Encourage support, but let them take the lead

• Respect their autonomy and focus on safety

Not everyone who self-harms will have wounds, because self-harm can look different for all of us .But it's important to remember we're all different, and we all deserve the right help and support. Caring for your wounds is a great starting point.

Caring for cuts

• To reduce risk of infection, clean/sterilise the cutting instrument before use

• Clean the wound / cut under running water or clean with sterile wipes to reduce risk of infection

• Gently dry the affected area with a non fluffy material (Such as a paper towel) to avoid material getting stuck to your wound

• Consider using a plaster to close the wound, or if needed apply a sterile dressing

Please seek medical attention if:

• If you are unable to stop the bleeding, apply pressure to the cut and hold the affected area above the heart (if possible) until the bleeding stops

• If the bleeding does not stop after applying pressure for 10 minutes, seek medical attention

• If you feel the cut may be infected (Look out for if the wound begins to smell , change colour, becomes red, hot, swollen or has any signs of pus)

• If the wound does not appear to be healing

Caring for minor burns

• Run cool (not icy) water over the burn for at least 20 minutes

• Don’t use ice, butter, or toothpaste - these can damage your skin further

• Don’t pop blisters

• Do not apply any creams, oils, grease, butter, ointments, adhesive dressings or cotton wool. Cling film can be used to loosely cover the burn and prevent infection

• Cover with cling film or a sterile non-stick dressing

• If the burn is larger than a 50p coin, is on your face/hands/joints, or shows signs of infection - get medical help

Scar care

Once a wound has healed over (no open areas or scabs), you can start looking after the scar. Gently massage with an unscented moisturiser a couple of times a day — this can soften the tissue and help with tightness. Use SPF 30+ on exposed scars to stop them darkening.

Healing takes time - physically and emotionally. Be patient with yourself.

You don’t have to stop overnight. Healing isn’t a straight line, and setbacks don’t mean failure. Here are some things that can help when you’re ready:

• Talk to someone - a counsellor, therapist, or trusted adult you feel safe with.

• Work with a professional to create a safety plan - a personal guide for those high-risk moments.

• Connect with others - peer support groups or online communities where people get it, such as on kooth.com

• Learn about your feelings - understanding emotional regulation can give you new tools over time.

Finding out your child is self-harming can be frightening. You might feel helpless, confused, or even angry, and that’s okay. What matters most is how you respond.

How to help

• Stay calm. Even if you’re scared inside, a steady presence helps them feel safe to talk.

• Listen without judging. Avoid words like “attention-seeking” - this can make them shut down.

• Follow their lead. Let them share what they’re comfortable with. Don’t force the conversation.

• Encourage support. A GP visit is a good starting point. They can also talk to a school counsellor or contact a helpline.

• If you’re worried about their immediate safety, call 999 or take them to A&E.

Good to know: Talking about self-harm does not make it worse. There’s no evidence that open conversation increases self-harm or makes young people want to “copy” it. If someone is self-harming, there’s always a reason.

Read the full guide for parents and carers